Day 10: Just the Food

I am tired. I think a whole bunch of the stuff that was supposed to happen to me earlier is happening now. Like, I'm breaking out, I've taken naps two afternoons in a row (this is v. unlike me), I'm finally crashing at night but I'm not as refreshed in the morning as I felt last week. My body is learning how to get energy from fat and it's a steep learning curve.

So I'm going to bed soon but wanted to stay on top of my food tracking, and also I wanted to share something from the Whole30 website:

Days 10-11: The Hardest Days.

Fact: you are most likely to quit your Whole30 program on Day 10 or 11. By this point, the newness of the program has worn off. You’ve made it through most of the unpleasant physical milestones, but you’ve yet to experience any of the “magic” the program promises. You’re still struggling to establish your new routine (read: you’ve eaten eggs prepared ten different ways over the last ten days), and while you’ve been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you’re “choosing not to eat right now.”  Everywhere you look, you see the things you “can’t” have: the melted cheese on a greasy burger, the creaminess of that double-scoop cone, the cold beer in your best friend’s tailgate cooler. Dammit, this is hard! And right now you’re wondering if the results will really be as good as “they” all say it is.

You’re cranky, you’re impatient, and you’re really, really tempted to just eat the stupid cheese.

This is where you really start to experience the psychological hold that your food habits have on you. You’ve put in a lot of effort to get to where you are right now, but you’re still waiting for the results you’re hoping to see. Your  brain tells you that you deserve some kind of reward (don’t you?) and, of course, we’ve been conditioned to think of food as the best reward out there. Right now, you’re craving that ice cream, beer, or whatever treat you think would make for just the right reward. But, instead of that treat, you’re standing face to face with the realization that you have 20 more days of deprivation ahead of you.

The key here is to redefine your idea of reward.  Think long and hard about the foods you’re grieving and ask yourself what need you’re expecting them to fulfill.  Are you feeling anxious and looking for reassurance?  Are you feeling sad, and looking for something to cheer you up? Are you worried you won’t successfully finish the program, and it’s easier to self-sabotage than fail? Remind yourself that food cannot fill that void for you—cannot make you feel truly accomplished, comforted, calm, happy, beautiful. Then, find another way to fill that need that does not involve those foods. Prepare yourselves for these days, knowing that all you have to do is see them through to the other side before things get much, much easier.

To which I reply: YES. I do want a reward. Unfortunately, I want that reward to be a latte and scone, ideally with clotted cream on it. Where can I get a scone with clotted cream in this town anyway?

This morning, I wasn't hungry. I had chicken stock for breakfast at 7:30. Then, at about 9, on our way out the door to the YWCA, I ate a handful of nuts and a spoonful of coconut oil. I worked out hard from 9:40-10:30, ate a Lara Bar, and then swam for twenty minutes, showered, and walked home alongside my scootering son.

At 12 pm, I ate lunch: leftover chile verde stew + 2 scrambled eggs with salsa + crumbled kale chips + a few barely compliant packaged baked green peas. I have been settling for barely compliant when I work out. It's just too much to think about otherwise.

At 2:30-3ish pm, I had a second lunch: roast beef, carrots, celery, plantain chips.

At 5:15 pm, we ate dinner - a little earlier than I would have liked, but I had a meeting to go to. I made a W30 version of my favorite red roast. I subbed orange juice for mirin, and a combination of coconut aminos, chicken stock, and fish sauce for the soy sauce. It wasn't the same, but it was still slow-cooked roast, which tasted good but left my house smelling overpoweringly of fish sauce. I ate my roast on a salad of romaine, arugula, cilantro, sprouts, avocado, and some plantains that I pan-fried and cut into crouton-like bits. Dressed the salad with pan juices. It was fine but nothing to write home about. Nothing to blog about for sure. I never really use soy sauce that often but I sure miss it since starting the W30. I think because it makes meat taste good, and I'm eating a lot more meat than usual.

At the meeting, the smell of grocery store bakery cookies was all kinds of intense. My senses of smell and taste have become hypersensitive. I expected that about as much as I expected the irresistible urge to nap at 1:40 pm two days in a row.

Ten down, twenty to go. That sounds so not close to the end. Carry on warriors.